I. L. Chang

Guangzhou

When I was younger, I would go back to China to visit my extended relatives every few years. We would arrive like strangers but would leave like we had been living together for years. The big family dinners at the restaurants were filled with different emotions – joy from jokes and funny stories, annoyance from the humidity, excitement from reconnecting again, and frustration from disagreements. Among the times we had gone back, there was one iconic and memorable trip to the zoo with most of the family that we kept recalling. Going to Yueyang for my sister’s wedding was the first big family trip since that time. I looked forward to eating the foods I remembered as a child; the rice rolls right outside the apartment we used to stay at, the traditional dim sum, the big round table family-style dinner.

However, I never got to eat the rice rolls because we stayed at a hotel far from the apartment we used to stay at. Dim sum was at a place on the Michelin guide but was only average. Family dinner was split into two tables because the new restaurant we went to didn’t have big tables. The family I knew had became smaller. Grandma and grandpa had passed away. So did my oldest aunt. An uncle and two cousins weren’t in contact anymore. My sister has a new family to spend time with. On the last day before I went back to Seoul, only my mom, dad and I remained. My brother had gone back home earlier because he needed to work.

Like how we kept recalling the big family trip to the zoo, I arrived in Guangzhou thinking I would relive my childhood memories. Instead, I was faced with the reality that time had passed away. There was some kind of ‘death’ inside of me – an acknowledgement that my childhood had ended.

I realized that though there were deaths, there was also new life.

I met one of my cousin’s wife for the first time on this trip. She took me around the city for the day to introduce me to all the popular spots for photos, new tasty fusion restaurants, and all the milk tea shops that I had on my list to try. We connected on the woes of work life and our love for good food. My oldest cousin’s children were now the same age as my sister and I used to be when we visited China during the summers. They came to dinner from school and were playing games at the dinner table like we used to. I was the “older” cousin to join in on their games. There were new interesting shops on the streets of the apartment we used to stay at. My cousin’s wife said that it was a popular place for good food.

And now, I have a brother-in-law with a hometown I could visit again and be welcomed like family. Back in Canada, our family dinner reservations would be 6 instead of 5.

Gyeongju

On their last few days in Seoul before leaving for Canada, my friend’s brother’s wife was kind enough to invite me to her hometown in Ulsan to spend some more time together before they departed.

I took an early KTX train to Ulsan and was picked up by them. Then we drove to Gyeongju for half the day to sight see. It was my friend’s brother’s wife’s mom’s hometown and she was the tour guide for the day. There were many historical sites in Gyeongju as it was once the capital city of the Shilla kingdom during the Three Kingdoms time period. The city was also covered with various kings’ tombs. My friend’s brother’s wife’s mom had joked that it might scare me to see tombs everywhere we go.

We had a full itinerary that day.

First, we went to Terarosa, which was a domestic specialty coffee chain originating from Gangneung (I had visited briefly last month, located on the East coast of South Korea.) and now has over 19 branches all across South Korea. The branch we visited was located in a hanok style building. We sat on the veranda in the slightly humid, but sunny day sipping on our drinks, sharing a croissant, and chatting about various things. Sometimes translation was required, sometimes not. It was all very “fascinating” to communicate in more than one language.

Before we left, my friend’s brother’s wife asked me if my stomache was ready for the food tour. I said yes it was. Her mom laughed and said, uh oh, you’ve learnt my daughter’s “Korean” instead of proper Korean. We left the cafe and went to enjoy two kinds of red bean buns (one was Hwangnam-ppang and the other was Chalbori-ppang). We had lunch at a popular place for its jidan (thinly cooked sheets of egg sliced) kimbap.

Afterwards, it was a whirlwind of a tour. I can’t remember all the spots we went to but remember the list included something like this:

• Stopped by a king’s tomb and took a peek.
• Read a comic version (in hangul) on a folktale about a girl who dreamed about urinating at the top of the mountain and flooding the capital city.
• Visited Cheomseongdae and took a photo there. My friend’s brothers’ wife’s mom also showed us an old picture of high school school boys scaling this star-gazing tower.
• Took a short walk around Gyerim forest. There was construction all around as the city was getting ready to host the 2025 APEC Summit
• Rested at Woljeonggyo. I was asked if I could recognize what was spoken by the Chinese tourists that were passing by. Yet another fascinating discovery.
• Toured the popular Hwangdangil by car. This was a street filled with local souvenir shops, restaurants, cafes, and photobooths.
• Cooled down in the AC with drinks at a cafe nearby the Bomun lake area where many hotel resorts reside.
• Drove up the mountain to see another king’s tomb and watched a short video explaining the history – in English for me and for my friend’s brother’s wife to examine her listening skills.
• Visited Bulguksa Temple and Seokguram Grotto. Read another folktale story about the origins of these two places.

We ended our day back in Ulsan for a raw fish meal and some seaside adventure. I had raw sea eel (Gaetjangeohoe) for the first time and was complimented by my friend’s brother’s wife’s mom for eating well. We drove by the seaside to one cafe for a photo, then to another cafe to have a decaf affogato because I have not had one before even though it was not a specialty in Korea but I do see it a lot on many cafe’s coffee menu. I saw, once again, the magnificent sunset as we drove along the coast.

After our final stop at Daiso and a neighbourhood mart that “has nothing you can’t find”, we finally headed back home for some cherries (from America, shipped by air) and shortbread cookies I brought from Hong Kong. We watched some TV then headed to bed. The next day, we drove back to Seoul in the pouring rain. They dropped me off again before they headed off to spend their last night in Seoul. We promised to meet again in Canada.

Although I only met them for a short period of time, I felt as welcomed as I was with family. They treated me to many things and hosted me with a generosity that I would remember for a long time.

Family is a difficult word. It contains the best and the worst things; heart warming memories, childhood trauma, manipulated love, loss, genuine connections, nurturing relationships. At some point, unknowingly or knowingly, I hoped to receive a kind of perfect love from them. But perfect love is only from my Father in heaven and family could only give me a part of that love. Still, I want to be a part of this love.